Putting it together- essay 2

A recent Reader’s Digest survey revealed that Singaporean teenagers graded their fathers C (for “clueless”) and their mothers A. The reason they gave was that their fathers showed no interest in their hobbies, their opinions and their friends.
Do you think Singaporean fathers deserve this grade?
Essay 2

Essay
Comments / Questions

Introduction
From my own experience, it is only natural for teenagers to grade their mothers an A.
There is no doubt that I am much closer to my mother as compared to my dad. I would definitely grade my mother an A but with this, I would not say my dad is secondary in my life.


ü The writer starts by talking about a personal experience.



Paragraph 1
The only reason Singaporean teenagers graded their fathers C for ‘clueless’ was because their fathers showed no interest in their hobbies, their opinions and their friends. They only see it from their point of view but there is more to fatherhood than just being interested in the development of their teenagers. Singapore is not an easy place to live in; being a developed/developing country, it is constantly going through globalisation. With globalisation, the economy undergoes fluctuation. Fathers, known to be the breadwinners of most families, have to work twice as hard just to make sure that there is food on the table. What more for fathers with more than two mouths to feed? Take for example my father, with three teenage daughters and a wife to feed, he is a very good example of a Singaporean father who has to work twice as hard to make our lives manageable. With a fulltime job and a wife who is also working fulltime, my father still does odd jobs during the weekends to ensure that his family does not suffer. And even then, he still tries to make time for his family. Do you think my father deserves a C grade?



ü The writer presents his stand in the form of a thought-provoking question – “Do you think my father deserves a C grade?”

Q1: Can you identify the writer’s thesis statement?





Q2: Can you identify the writer’s supporting detail for this thesis statement?


Paragraph 2
Being teenagers, we are at the point of our life where we experience new things, new development and meet ‘new’ people. It is also the stage of our life where we often go through confusion. At times when we experience a funny feeling we would want to share it with somebody and more often than not, who do we turn to? That is right – our friends. It is only natural for teenagers to be able to relate to someone who is of the same age. So why do they blame their fathers for being clueless when they are the ones who would rather open up to their friends instead of a parent – their dad? This is a selfish behaviour of teenagers that brings about misery to their parents. How can their fathers be interested in their life, if they refuse to open up to their parents. How can their fathers be interested in their life, if they refuse to open up to their fathers in the first place? And in the end, it all comes down to blaming their fathers for being uninterested and not understanding them.



ü The writer adopts a mature viewpoint by saying that children can be blamed for their parents’ apparent lack of interest in them.

Q1: Can you identify the writer’s thesis statement?






Q2: Can you identify the writer’s supporting detail for this thesis statement?


Paragraph 3
Sure, maybe a few would open up to their parents, but only to their mothers. Why is this so? Well, women are known to be the more emotional of the sexes and therefore they would understand better. After all, as the saying goes, “Mother knows best”. But you cannot blame your dad for being the strict, serious one, right? Somebody has to be the disciplinarian in the house. What would happen to us teenagers if both our parents constantly give in to our demands? How do we grow and learn to be independent? Also being Asians, traditionally we cannot run from the fact that the father is always the disciplinarian in the family. The father has to be the more aggressive one to teach us right from wrong. Mothers tend to be more heavy-hearted when it comes to beating the kids or simply just scolding them. It breaks a mother’s heart to beat or scold her kids. I am not saying that it is easy on the father but somebody’s got to do it, right? And being the stricter, serious one, the dad has no choice but to do it.



û The writer adopts an informal tone when he says
- “But you cannot blame your dad for being the strict, serious one, right?”
- “… but somebody’s got to do it, right?”

Q1: Can you identify the writer’s thesis statement?





Q2: Can you identify the writer’s supporting details for this thesis statement?



Conclusion
To sum it all up, fatherhood is not an easy job. It takes a lot for a father to look after his family to ensure that they do not suffer, that there is enough food for the family. It takes a lot for a father to keep his family close and it takes a lot for a father to instil discipline in their kids. But also with the help of his sidekick – the mother, both of them can help bring up the family better. So why be so hard on your father? I would say that fathers deserve an A too!



ü The writer concludes by summarising his argument – a father’s job is not easy and we shouldn’t be so hard on them.

Writer’s Strengths
- presented a mature viewpoint
- made sure each paragraph had a thesis statement and supporting details


Writer’s Weaknesses
- was a tad informal at times
- did not use transitional markers

Writer’s Style
The writer used a personal anecdote first as a hook, and writes with a very personal voice.

Putting it together - essay 1

A recent Reader’s Digest survey revealed that Singaporean teenagers graded their fathers C (for “clueless”) and their mothers A. The reason they gave was that their fathers showed no interest in their hobbies, their opinions and their friends.
Do you think Singaporean fathers deserve this grade?
Essay 1

Essay
Comments / Questions

Introduction
Parents. The people who play the most essential role in moulding their children. The people who will inevitably have to ensure that the future generation is populated by able-minded, capable workers. However, for such an arduous task to be accomplished, both parents must play active roles in caring for the child. With regards to the grading given to Singaporean fathers, I totally agree that they have earned their just labelling.


ü The writer starts by defining “parents” and describes their roles in the family.

Q: Can you identify the writer’s stand?


Paragraph 1
Take for example, my own father. A rather temperamental, stingy and close-minded person who accepts the views and opinions of no one but himself, and has no reservations spending truckloads of money fuelling his hobby, golf. However, when asked to help out with paying for simple things such as piano fees or new shuttlecocks for badminton games, he’ll spare no cent or penny, brushing off such expenses as unnecessary. When discussing various topics of interest such as the recent Hurricane Katrina or trouble at work, he could go on for hours about his opinions and views, complaining about how world governments are not responding efficiently enough during natural disasters or about his subordinate being incompetent. However, when I or any of my siblings try to point out his mistakes or at least, our views, he instantaneously loses his temper and refuses to listen to anything else we had to say, labelling us as “rebellious, young, inexperienced pups in a harsh society”. Basically, he was and still is simply too self-absorbed.


ü The writer uses a personal anecdote as a ‘hook’.

Q: How does this personal anecdote support his stand?


Paragraph 2
Such behaviour from fathers is seemingly commonplace in Singapore, with many youths experiencing lack of care or concern from their male parents regarding their personal lives and interests. Many will agree that most Singaporean fathers are deficient in listening skills, patience as well as open-mindedness regarding various issues such as teenage sexuality. Due to this lack of care and concern from their fathers, some teens tend to go astray, exposing themselves voluntarily to the negative influences of society such as alcoholism, drug abuse and smoking.


ü The writer highlights the consequences of poor parenting.

Q1: Can you spot the fallacy?
Generalisation –



Q2: Can you spot the unsupported claim?





Paragraph 3
On the other hand, many may argue that as the government begins to educate the adult population, parents in general will become more aware of the impact they make on their children and perhaps even play a more active role in orchestrating the change in their children. However, I find it rather perplexing that parents, or fathers in specific, have to be “educated” on proper parenting and if it is indeed true that parents are beginning to take more interest in their children’s lives, why is it that the number of cases involving teens with poor social relationships with their parents are on the rise? Perhaps that is due to a father’s resistance to change despite being frequently informed of his role or to them, ignorance is bliss.


ü The writer attempts to raise the opposite point of view and gives a rebuttal.
“On the other hand, many may argue that as the government begins to educate the adult population, parents in general will become more aware…”
“… if it is indeed true that parents are beginning to take more interest in their children’s lives, why is it that…”

Q: The writer makes two unsubstantiated claims in this paragraph. Can you find them?






Conclusion
To conclude, I feel that Singaporean fathers deserve their poor grading. Their abhorrent lack of knowledge regarding their children’s lifestyle and their lack of interest in opinions other than their own justifies it. A viable solution to this prevalent pathogen known as ignorance is to initiate compulsory counselling sessions for fathers and put them through intensive parenting crash courses and conduct frequent dialogues between father and child. Only then can Singaporeans teens hope to see marked improvements in their parents.


ü The writer concludes by giving suggestions on what can be done to improve the state of parenting in the country.

Q: Can you find the fallacy?
Generalisation -

Writer’s Strengths
- organised essay very well
- considered views of the opposite camp and attempts to rebut them
- demonstrated sophisticated language skills

Writer’s Weaknesses
- based arguments on his own personal experience (his own father) and this led to a few sweeping statements
- no use of transition markers

Writer’s Style
The writer states his stand and then follows up with a personal anecdote.

Writing a Critical Essay

A vital part of writing a critical essay is to analyse supporting evidence. This means you should not just add information from articles or newpapers reports wholesale (word-for-word). You need to 'carry out a dialogue' with the evidence you are providing. A good critical essay will have relevant supporting evidence that add credibility to your arguments. The following task will help you to search for and analyse supporting evidence.

Task: Write a response of at least 200 words to the statement below:

'Euthanasia should be legalised'

1) Before writing your essay, you should do the following:

a) Search for information on the latest debates concerning the topic (e.g. Factival/E-library)

b) Provide some statistics and figures related to the topic (both for and against euthanasia) ifpossible or case-studies (stories of patients)

c) Include the opinions of medical practitioners and carers (e.g. family members)

3) Carry out a discussion/debate (rebuttals and counter-arguments) with the information you obtained from (1) by adding your personal views and opinions.

Note: An example of a rebuttal could be : 'the writer of the articule/report fails to....'

'An example of a counter argument: 'While I agree generally with the argument stated, however, I....'

Finally, remember to post your comment as marks will be given for this task. You must finish it by the end of today's lesson. Have fun :)

Class Participation Test 4

) What is the purpose of CRS?

2) What is an assumption? Why are assumptions important in essay writing?


3) Create an assumption for the following

'Human cloning should be allowed'

Give 2 reasons.

4) What have you learnt from your CRS class so far? Which lesson/s did you enjoy
most? Giveyour reasons.

Share your views

Topic/Main idea: Education of teens on objectionable articles in magazines.

Purpose statement: Schools should educate teens about objectionable articles in magazines.

Task: You should write at least 50 words and publish your comments by 30.11.05.