Putting it together - essay 1

A recent Reader’s Digest survey revealed that Singaporean teenagers graded their fathers C (for “clueless”) and their mothers A. The reason they gave was that their fathers showed no interest in their hobbies, their opinions and their friends.
Do you think Singaporean fathers deserve this grade?
Essay 1

Essay
Comments / Questions

Introduction
Parents. The people who play the most essential role in moulding their children. The people who will inevitably have to ensure that the future generation is populated by able-minded, capable workers. However, for such an arduous task to be accomplished, both parents must play active roles in caring for the child. With regards to the grading given to Singaporean fathers, I totally agree that they have earned their just labelling.


ü The writer starts by defining “parents” and describes their roles in the family.

Q: Can you identify the writer’s stand?


Paragraph 1
Take for example, my own father. A rather temperamental, stingy and close-minded person who accepts the views and opinions of no one but himself, and has no reservations spending truckloads of money fuelling his hobby, golf. However, when asked to help out with paying for simple things such as piano fees or new shuttlecocks for badminton games, he’ll spare no cent or penny, brushing off such expenses as unnecessary. When discussing various topics of interest such as the recent Hurricane Katrina or trouble at work, he could go on for hours about his opinions and views, complaining about how world governments are not responding efficiently enough during natural disasters or about his subordinate being incompetent. However, when I or any of my siblings try to point out his mistakes or at least, our views, he instantaneously loses his temper and refuses to listen to anything else we had to say, labelling us as “rebellious, young, inexperienced pups in a harsh society”. Basically, he was and still is simply too self-absorbed.


ü The writer uses a personal anecdote as a ‘hook’.

Q: How does this personal anecdote support his stand?


Paragraph 2
Such behaviour from fathers is seemingly commonplace in Singapore, with many youths experiencing lack of care or concern from their male parents regarding their personal lives and interests. Many will agree that most Singaporean fathers are deficient in listening skills, patience as well as open-mindedness regarding various issues such as teenage sexuality. Due to this lack of care and concern from their fathers, some teens tend to go astray, exposing themselves voluntarily to the negative influences of society such as alcoholism, drug abuse and smoking.


ü The writer highlights the consequences of poor parenting.

Q1: Can you spot the fallacy?
Generalisation –



Q2: Can you spot the unsupported claim?





Paragraph 3
On the other hand, many may argue that as the government begins to educate the adult population, parents in general will become more aware of the impact they make on their children and perhaps even play a more active role in orchestrating the change in their children. However, I find it rather perplexing that parents, or fathers in specific, have to be “educated” on proper parenting and if it is indeed true that parents are beginning to take more interest in their children’s lives, why is it that the number of cases involving teens with poor social relationships with their parents are on the rise? Perhaps that is due to a father’s resistance to change despite being frequently informed of his role or to them, ignorance is bliss.


ü The writer attempts to raise the opposite point of view and gives a rebuttal.
“On the other hand, many may argue that as the government begins to educate the adult population, parents in general will become more aware…”
“… if it is indeed true that parents are beginning to take more interest in their children’s lives, why is it that…”

Q: The writer makes two unsubstantiated claims in this paragraph. Can you find them?






Conclusion
To conclude, I feel that Singaporean fathers deserve their poor grading. Their abhorrent lack of knowledge regarding their children’s lifestyle and their lack of interest in opinions other than their own justifies it. A viable solution to this prevalent pathogen known as ignorance is to initiate compulsory counselling sessions for fathers and put them through intensive parenting crash courses and conduct frequent dialogues between father and child. Only then can Singaporeans teens hope to see marked improvements in their parents.


ü The writer concludes by giving suggestions on what can be done to improve the state of parenting in the country.

Q: Can you find the fallacy?
Generalisation -

Writer’s Strengths
- organised essay very well
- considered views of the opposite camp and attempts to rebut them
- demonstrated sophisticated language skills

Writer’s Weaknesses
- based arguments on his own personal experience (his own father) and this led to a few sweeping statements
- no use of transition markers

Writer’s Style
The writer states his stand and then follows up with a personal anecdote.