Putting it together- essay 2

A recent Reader’s Digest survey revealed that Singaporean teenagers graded their fathers C (for “clueless”) and their mothers A. The reason they gave was that their fathers showed no interest in their hobbies, their opinions and their friends.
Do you think Singaporean fathers deserve this grade?
Essay 2

Essay
Comments / Questions

Introduction
From my own experience, it is only natural for teenagers to grade their mothers an A.
There is no doubt that I am much closer to my mother as compared to my dad. I would definitely grade my mother an A but with this, I would not say my dad is secondary in my life.


ü The writer starts by talking about a personal experience.



Paragraph 1
The only reason Singaporean teenagers graded their fathers C for ‘clueless’ was because their fathers showed no interest in their hobbies, their opinions and their friends. They only see it from their point of view but there is more to fatherhood than just being interested in the development of their teenagers. Singapore is not an easy place to live in; being a developed/developing country, it is constantly going through globalisation. With globalisation, the economy undergoes fluctuation. Fathers, known to be the breadwinners of most families, have to work twice as hard just to make sure that there is food on the table. What more for fathers with more than two mouths to feed? Take for example my father, with three teenage daughters and a wife to feed, he is a very good example of a Singaporean father who has to work twice as hard to make our lives manageable. With a fulltime job and a wife who is also working fulltime, my father still does odd jobs during the weekends to ensure that his family does not suffer. And even then, he still tries to make time for his family. Do you think my father deserves a C grade?



ü The writer presents his stand in the form of a thought-provoking question – “Do you think my father deserves a C grade?”

Q1: Can you identify the writer’s thesis statement?





Q2: Can you identify the writer’s supporting detail for this thesis statement?


Paragraph 2
Being teenagers, we are at the point of our life where we experience new things, new development and meet ‘new’ people. It is also the stage of our life where we often go through confusion. At times when we experience a funny feeling we would want to share it with somebody and more often than not, who do we turn to? That is right – our friends. It is only natural for teenagers to be able to relate to someone who is of the same age. So why do they blame their fathers for being clueless when they are the ones who would rather open up to their friends instead of a parent – their dad? This is a selfish behaviour of teenagers that brings about misery to their parents. How can their fathers be interested in their life, if they refuse to open up to their parents. How can their fathers be interested in their life, if they refuse to open up to their fathers in the first place? And in the end, it all comes down to blaming their fathers for being uninterested and not understanding them.



ü The writer adopts a mature viewpoint by saying that children can be blamed for their parents’ apparent lack of interest in them.

Q1: Can you identify the writer’s thesis statement?






Q2: Can you identify the writer’s supporting detail for this thesis statement?


Paragraph 3
Sure, maybe a few would open up to their parents, but only to their mothers. Why is this so? Well, women are known to be the more emotional of the sexes and therefore they would understand better. After all, as the saying goes, “Mother knows best”. But you cannot blame your dad for being the strict, serious one, right? Somebody has to be the disciplinarian in the house. What would happen to us teenagers if both our parents constantly give in to our demands? How do we grow and learn to be independent? Also being Asians, traditionally we cannot run from the fact that the father is always the disciplinarian in the family. The father has to be the more aggressive one to teach us right from wrong. Mothers tend to be more heavy-hearted when it comes to beating the kids or simply just scolding them. It breaks a mother’s heart to beat or scold her kids. I am not saying that it is easy on the father but somebody’s got to do it, right? And being the stricter, serious one, the dad has no choice but to do it.



û The writer adopts an informal tone when he says
- “But you cannot blame your dad for being the strict, serious one, right?”
- “… but somebody’s got to do it, right?”

Q1: Can you identify the writer’s thesis statement?





Q2: Can you identify the writer’s supporting details for this thesis statement?



Conclusion
To sum it all up, fatherhood is not an easy job. It takes a lot for a father to look after his family to ensure that they do not suffer, that there is enough food for the family. It takes a lot for a father to keep his family close and it takes a lot for a father to instil discipline in their kids. But also with the help of his sidekick – the mother, both of them can help bring up the family better. So why be so hard on your father? I would say that fathers deserve an A too!



ü The writer concludes by summarising his argument – a father’s job is not easy and we shouldn’t be so hard on them.

Writer’s Strengths
- presented a mature viewpoint
- made sure each paragraph had a thesis statement and supporting details


Writer’s Weaknesses
- was a tad informal at times
- did not use transitional markers

Writer’s Style
The writer used a personal anecdote first as a hook, and writes with a very personal voice.